With our son scheduled for surgery in a few hours, I find myself wide awake after only three hours of sleep. I’m not fearful or worried, but instead anxious, as in let’s get this over with. While in bed praying, a number of thoughts, Word, songs, and conversations spun round and round in my head, and I wanted to pen them for later reflection.
We need forgiveness. Wait: I need forgiveness. I need forgiveness for the times that I’ve selfishly chosen to lay awake in bed and allow my mind to wonder wherever it wants to go. I need forgiveness for the hours of wasted mental energy when the Father has blessed me with intelligence and ideas, and afforded me strategies and even put people in my path to help me. Not only was I given these blessings, but He continuously tells the sun to reflect its light upon the moon so that I don’t have to speak with Him in darkness. He loves my conversation, and pathetically, sometimes I’d rather remember that catchy song lyric or the highlights of the game.
We need forgiveness. Wait: I need forgiveness. I need forgiveness for the times I’ve spoken harshly about those around me instead of seeking Christ for revival. I need forgiveness for my attitude toward church services where I’ve seen too much pomp and circumstance and not much fruit. I need forgiveness for the times I’ve judged, condemned, and stepped outside of what is my job according to 2 Chronicles 7:14. I need forgiveness for being cynical and sarcastic, and for being sometimes overly critical.
We need forgiveness. Wait: I need forgiveness. I need forgiveness for getting consumed in the things of this world as if it was my eternal home. I need forgiveness for limiting the power of a God eternal to my limited circumstances and my limited resources. I need forgiveness for, as the psalmist says, forfeiting my peace and bearing needless pain because I have not consistently executed the power of prayer. I need forgiveness for telling God the size of my problems instead of telling my problems the size of my God. I need forgiveness for not taking it upon myself to consistently do the work of the Father: serving and saving.
Thank you, Lord, for your reminder of who You are, and in reminding who You are, then reminding me of who I am.
I need forgiveness. Wait: we need forgiveness.