Pouring Out My Soul

Well, after my previous post on what to do after the conference, one thing I didn’t do after the conference was post more of life’s happenings on my blog, huh??!!   LOL.   Well, it is probably a good sign that I am out and about living life rather than sitting here as a bystander while writing about it.

My post conference list looked alot like this:

  1. Having been given a fresh anointing and clear direction, I have been busily completing writing projects.
  2. I wrapped up a class with my adult learners.
  3. I took a necessary college road trip with our son, and managed to learn more about Native American history with an awesome side field trip.

Those are the highlights, in addition to the day-to-day roles of wife, mom, home educator, chief cook and bottle washer, etc.  It has been a busy time (when is my life anything else?), but it has been all good.

Oh, and I have spent time in my Bible and working on my journaling.

My daughter and I are continuing to work through the life and death of Samson, but I am a little ahead in my personal reading.   Most recently, I am learning more of the circumstances surrounding the birth of Samuel.   Specifically, I find myself more drawn to Hannah.

I never had a problem becoming pregnant–at least not as a younger woman, so there are parts of Hannah’s story that do not resonate with me.   Our third pregnancy, which took a bit more “work”  😉  , was more a function of age and anxiety, I think, than anything else.   Nevertheless, child bearing, and even labor and delivery, was relatively easy for me.

I can, however, relate to being misunderstood.

As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth.  Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard.  Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long are going to stay drunk?  Put away your wine.”

 1 Samuel 1: 12-14, NIV

Hannah was a believer in Christ.  But she also had a problem: she was childless at a time when having children was symbolic of far more than just the moniker of “Mom.”   Thankfully, as the story is recorded, she knew who to talk to about her issue, and she went after God’s ear with everything she had.  But in trying to do what she thought was right, she was misunderstood.   Someone else in the church thought her intentions were less than honorable.

Hannah teaches us a powerful lesson about how to respond when there is a disagreement among believers.   She didn’t get upset and give the devil victory, even if temporary, by leaving the church in self-righteous indignation.   She didn’t do what I might have done–go home and bend her husband’s ear with everything she thought about Eli and his mama.  Most importantly, she didn’t let Eli’s lack of understanding keep her from praying.  Her response to him was simple:  “I was pouring out my soul to the Lord.”

i will pour out my soul to the lord shot 1

(Yes, I am still working on my journaling techniques).

It occurs to me that, perhaps if I spent more time pouring out my soul to the Lord, it would matter less and less to me what others watching might think.   Though she was anguished and grieving (verse 16), this must have been a rich and rewarding time for her–just her and God, with a consequent flood of peace.   After her intimacy with God, she was intimate with her husband (verse 19), and ultimately, the promise of a child came to fruition.

We never read that Eli apologized; at times, we must realize that, for various reasons, others might struggle with, “I’m sorry.”    Their apology is not required for our forgiveness, nor should an apology affect our attitude or posture with the Father.  But I believe Hannah’s stance softened his heart, and her pouring out of her soul touched God’s heart.

Lord, allow me to continuously pour out my heart to You, knowing that You are more than able to change both me and my circumstances.

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