My husband and I had discussed repeatedly, in round-about ways, how we might get here or there, or what looked like the best option to move the kids around to where they need and/or want to be. Knowing my preference for visuals, I casually said, “Let me write all of this down.” At that point, what I had known for weeks and months became crystal clear as I noted every trip, every deadline for each child, and every anticipated paycheck.
This summer season promises to be one that will stretch us in a number of ways–physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually.
Exciting things are happening within the family. We have one kid who is starting college, one kid who is close to leaving college, and we are in a season of parenting that we have not seen in 18 years: two adults parenting one (at least, inside the house). You would think that I should be ecstatic about fewer people in the house, and I suppose at some point I will be. Maybe. But the “getting there” phase that is our summer is the part that has me dazed and overwhelmed.
I have had to remind myself of how excited I was as this year began, and the promises of God that I saw almost immediately after praying and fasting at last year’s end. I have also had to remember how faithful the Lord has been to give business ideas and strategies.
All of that has kept me busily plodding along in 2016. Yet, somewhere, somehow, I have also–at least temporarily–misplaced my passion.
Somewhere in the last two months, life became tedious enough until the simple act of getting out of bed, giving the Lord a few waking moments (getting up earlier than the kids to spend more time has also been an issue since the time changed), and accomplish each day’s tasks has become more and more difficult.
Of course, in the spirit of one who knows she is off-kilter with the priorities of God, I have beaten myself badly for not “getting it right,” which then adds discouragement and frustration to my growing list of issues. I blamed myself, believing that if I were somehow “deeper,” my apathy would miraculously vanish. Reading through the book Fervent was a Godsend moment for me in terms of realizing how easy it is to lose your first love. I love this line:
My distractions don’t make me a bad person; the fact that other items steal my attention away from Christ makes me a normal person–a person with whom the devil can gain a foothold and convince me that I didn’t have a chance at the victory of a “deeper” warrior, so why bother?
This week coming is a rare quiet week amidst all the busy-ness of what is quickly shaping into a whirlwind summer. I am looking forward to basking in the Lord’s grace, of surrendering my plans, worries, and cares.
With the dorm room completed and four of us headed home, we are now finished with one of no less than about 10 significant events that will occur over the next three months. My simple prayer is to love the Lord with all my heart, my mind, and my soul. I know, even in my distractedness, that everything else–wisdom, discernment, joy, peace, everything–will flow from there.